Are You Venting?? Or Are You Just Talking Sh*t.
The wedding industry feels like a massive place … new business owners seem to crop up daily as direct competition and all the wedding blogs and magazines out there seem to have enough content to keep them busy … and while I agree, it feels HUGE … it’s seemingly small because only the ones ‘in it’ know anything that’s happening … if I tried to tell my husband something that happened to a big name in the wedding industry he wouldn’t have a clue as to what I was saying. And because it’s small, you have to be very careful, me included, with how much drama you agree to.
This industry is highly emotional … anyone who sits there and says:
IT’S JUST BUSINESS …
Is full of sh*t. We are CREATORS … our work and designs are personal … we are working with highly emotion driven clients who are planning an event that is wrapped around their love for each other … or, an event celebrating their loved ones … regardless of if it’s wedding or special event related:
WE ARE ALL RIDING AN EMOTIONAL TRAIN AND IT’S NOT STOPPING ANYTIME SOON.
Being a creative can suck you dry … when you are in that ‘be creative and awesome’ head space all the time it can wear you down … we have to have a higher understanding not only for being a creative and running a business but also to be supportive of other creative people we work with.
THAT CAN BE VERY HARD.
And what happens when we are run down and working closely with other creative business owners?? We can start to get irritated.
BEING IRRITATED IS A COMPLETELY NATURAL FEELING THAT LEADS TO NEEDING TO VENT.
But(!!!!!) be VERY careful … because there is a huge HUGE difference between ‘venting out’ frustrated feelings *and* gossiping / being a sh*t talker. And in an industry like ours, if you are constantly gossiping and having dramatic situations happen … industry people will take notice and it will create issues for you.
I am someone who is ‘on a paranoid level’ careful about what I say and who I say it to … If I am venting, I always first name what I did in the situation … I own my crap in it … and then ‘with carefully chosen words’ will explain why I’m annoyed or having a hard time.
AND WHY DO I DO THAT???
It’s not because I’m a f*cking saint who doesn’t have the natural ‘desire’ to sh*t-talk … it’s because I am aware of my actions and I keep myself in check. We all know that person who is ALWAYS talking about someone else … whether it’s their close friend or co-worker or their clients … and as it happens more and more and more and more … we, as humans, can only assume:
WELP, IF THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT EVERYONE THAT WAY … IT ONLY MAKES SENSE THAT THEY ALSO TALK ABOUT ME THAT WAY
And then ‘distrust’ starts to grow … naturally you distance yourself more and more from that person because even if you don’t “know know” that they talk about you … you’re pretty damn sure in your gut that it’s happening.
Look, I get it: venting is important! It’s natural! It helps you stay sane. But there is a MAJOR difference between venting in hopes to come up with a solution AND destroying another person with your words and blaming them for everything.
So how do you know if you are a gossip or are just venting? Below are a few defining explanations about each:
GOSSIP / TALKING SH*T
statements are not always true or accurate - they are opinion based
statements are fueled by jealousy
what you say is hurtful and personal
it’s an attack on the other person, not a hope to find resolution
you bring in the private affairs of the other person
it’s hearsay and you’re talking about a person you don’t personally know
statements impose judgment, speculation and assumptions
statements are said in a negative voice and focused on tearing the other person down
using ‘blaming’ or ‘you statements’ and avoiding taking any of the responsibility
voicing a frustration about a situation - not the person
does not involve slandering a particular person or group
seeks and typically results in finding a solution
confiding in a professional counselor or trusted mentor about a difficult situation for the purpose of seeking advice on how to discuss the issue with the person/people involved
writing down your annoyances or frustrations for personal healing or to better understand your involvement or how you can handle it going forward
In other words … venting keeps the other person OUT OF THE CONVERSATION and focuses ONLY on what happened and it’s all about figuring out how to handle it going forward. It doesn’t involved bashing another person at all.
SO, HEATHER … YOU NEVER TALK SH*T, HAH?
I absolutely do. I’m a human who has flaws and f*cks up. But, I am selective about what and why … I save those ‘moments’ for the really big stuff that affects me in a huge way … times where I feel truly wronged and have already exhausted all the possibilities of how I could have handled it differently … and then, I do something VERY IMPORTANT:
I ONLY TALK TO MY SUPER CLOSE FRIENDS ABOUT IT/THE ISSUE AND USUALLY KEEP IT AWAY FROM PEOPLE I WORK WITH.
I will repeat: our industry is small … the people who are always dealing with ‘dramatic situations’ and have issues getting along with people are well known … guilt by association is a REAL THING … so beware of the person who surrounds themselves with drama and conflict … remove the toxic people from your life and only deal with them when it’s absolutely necessary.
Deciding to fully distance yourself or ‘break ties’ with someone is hard to do … but if you feel that ‘their stuff’ is rubbing off on you or causing you anxiety or you start feeling negative anytime you think about them … it’s probably best for all parties involved to just end it and move on with your life.