Dear 'Not A Business Owner' - I Am Jealous Of You
Dear, Not A Business Owner:
I am jealous of you. Each day you get to wake up, get ready for work, leave for work, be at work, come home from work, and just be. To just 'be' would be an incredible feeling. When I am at home I am always 'on'. My mind is always on work because I work from home. I also work away from home. I also work in the car. I also work in my bed when I should be sleeping. My mind is constantly 'thinking' about the next steps. My mind is constantly trying to reach beyond what I did last week and become better than my last great idea.
When you are on vacation from work you actually get to BE on vacation ... you get to leave your office and turn off your work cell phone and just be on vacation. When I am on vacation I am just thinking about the huge piles of work waiting for me when I get back. My inbox scares the sh*t out of me ... while I did turn on an auto-responder telling people I am away I still know that their email is there ... waiting for me ... it could be an email from a potential client and by now they are probably off to hire my competition ... eek, maybe I should just go through my emails and let my husband and kids go play in the waves .... I could just work a little bit while on vacation, right??
Don't even get me started on the 'life happenings' that occur ... getting sick for example: UGH. I have zero people that I can call to fill in for me! OMG, what will I do? I have the flu and all these clients need something from me ... when you are sick you get to call in sick and you get to relax and get well. When I am sick I just sit there freaking out about all the people I am letting down ... or I am sitting at my home office desk working anyway while a pile of used tissues grows at my feet.
The guilt I feel at times is almost unbearable ... if I am working hard and kicking ass I have guilt about not spending enough time with our kids or with you ... and if I am spending time with the kids and you I have a huge amount of guilt about not spending enough time on my clients. Get balance?? Ha. That is a joke. There is really no such thing as balance when you are a business owner ... Each day life throws new things your way - things you can't plan for - balancing each day and getting to the end is my balance ... just getting through without falling off the tightrope as a business owner with a family is all the balance I am going to get. Sometimes I require a really long pole and barely get across without falling ... and sometimes I can run across the tightrope blindfolded without any difficulty and dismount with a triple flip.
But I do have to say: THANK YOU. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for marrying a crazy dreamer like me and for letting me dream. Your support is the reason I get to do this. And while I may get jealous of you sometimes I think we make an awesome team.
Love, A Business Owner